Learning the Language of Emotion

Learning about emotions usually happens when you are a kid. You’re sad, you cry. You’re happy, you smile. Then, as you get older you learn about excitement, anger, confusion, jealousy etc., but is learning the language of emotion just as easy and similar for all? Or, does how we are raised have everything to do with how we handle our emotions and how we communicate them? I’ve always been the person that has trouble communicating my feelings and emotions. Maybe it was because emotions and talks about emotions didn’t really happen growing up. Did I know this? Not until recently. I mean, I knew I understood emotions, and I could recognize them when I saw them expressed by people, but I never really knew my own emotions when they came up. I was never talked to in the language of emotion, at least not in a “well rounded” sense. Anger and hurt were the emotions that ran my house. A lack of comfort. Not that it was done purposefully, I just don’t think my parents were taught how to properly express their own feelings either, as the same with their parents and so on and so forth. It’s crazy how much is passed down from generation to generation, the good the bad and the ugly.

In this past year, I have been doing a lot of self-healing. A lot of internal processing, and a lot of reflecting on my life and how I live it. I’ve made many realizations, some small and some really big. One thing I’ve recently realized is that I’ve never really liked being asked my feelings about a situation. It would bother me so much, and I realize now that it was because I never actually knew how I was feeling. And of course, not knowing something for me was me being a failure. You see, being smart and educated was a really important thing in my house. Having good grades, being a good student, having a stable secure job with benefits. So the fact that I may not know my own emotions when asked seemed, to me, that I would be seen as a dumb person; and of course I couldn’t take that- not with my birth chart (but thats a whole other post).

So now I find myself, 28 years old and barely learning the language of emotions. Learning how to feel and know what I am feeling and then communicating it in a loving and compassionate way. A way like “It makes me sad that you are going through this because it doesn’t always have to be that way, but I am here for you if you need anything.”, when a loved one tells you that they are struggling with a situation. Instead of just saying, “that’s sucks”. Or actually expressing your feelings instead of just shutting down and checking out of a situation/conversation because your feelings got hurt. Such as, “It hurts me when you ask me to repeat myself over three times because it makes me feel like you aren’t listening to me.” These two simple phrases have taken me 28 years to be comfortable saying. Now, I’m not saying that I am the expert on the language of emotions, because I’m not. I am still in the learning phase, and chances are that I may still revert to my old comfortable way of dealing with emotions. It’s a daily thing I work on, but hopefully with each day that goes by those moments happen less.

Instant Gratification – The Lazy Syndrome?

Today I made a connection that I hadn’t before. I am someone who surprisingly has always had pretty good patience for doing things. Need to untangle a necklace? I’m your girl! The one thing that I noticed my patience is at a hard ZERO is with technology. I get so annoyed and frustrated when something doesn’t load fast enough, or if my phone or laptop freezes, to the point where I have the urge to throw the phone or laptop straight across the room.

Why is this? Well, instant gratification! We live in a world where everything is fast and quick and at the tips of our fingertips, literally with all the tech things nowadays; and because of this, I feel, we’ve learned to expect results instantly, and now we want that amazing accomplished feeling instantly! And it’s so little that the feeling last because the work we put into things is so little. Idk maybe this is a contributing factor to why I cannot stay on track when it comes to goals and projects or ideas. Everything that is worth doing takes time, but in this day and age everything is so accessible with the internet and social media that we forget how to put in the work. We live off of small doses of euphoria and wonder why we feel empty with our lives. I guess instant gratification is something I still need to unlearn.

Until then, enjoy this hilarious gem I found on the internet. HAHA

BLAST FROM THE PAST: MIRACLE CURE FOR FLU

In honor of this amazing [insert sarcasm] weather, a how-to guide to the flu


After being on my deathbed these past three days I have figured out the cure for the flu.

1. Sleep as much as you can. 48+ hours is best
2. Eat soup as if your life depended on it- because it does.
3. Watch Glee when not asleep.
4. Drink coconut water.
5. After two days of the above, go to sauna to sweat out all toxins.
6. Repeat 

You’re Welcome.

My Relationship with Emotions

For the past year, I have started walking down a healers path; mostly focusing on self-healing. Like with anything that you first start doing, I tried different healing modalities, went to different healing events, etc. I saw the power in everything I tried. Yet, I still lacked discipline. I could not for the life of me keep a routine up. So because of this, I would go through periods of utter excitement for life and the possibilities because of how great I felt after an experience with self-healing, and then I would not keep up that routine. And I would then get into a rut because I would fall back into my old patterns.

Breaking patterns that you’ve had as a child is a very hard and long process. These patterns are all you’ve known on how to handle situations in life. Even after realizing that it’s not always the best way to react to situations, it’s still hard to break them. It’s even harder to break them when holding on to these patterns are your way of protecting yourself from the world. Or so you think.

I’ve always been a very logical person. I’ve always found pride in myself knowing that I am able to think about issues or problems and come up with logical solutions. In my life, I’ve used this to help friends and family get through situations in life where they aren’t able to see a solution. I enjoyed being a logical person. I enjoyed being “honest” about my opinions. I now see that I used “honesty” as an excuse that being logical was good. But in reality, all it did was keep me arrogant. I wasn’t able to empathize with people. Emotions to me where reasons people couldn’t let go of things. And as I got older, they seemed like a sign of weakness. I didn’t get emotions. I didn’t like them. And if a person ever got emotional at me, I would become super uncomfortable. At times, even bothered, annoyed or mad; and I would tell myself and the person that I was done being honest with them, that if they wanted me to lie, then I would. This issue with emotions got so bad, that anyone who couldn’t see a logical side of a situation would become a crazy person in my eyes. Someone who couldn’t handle life.

These past few weeks I held on so tight to my logical side. So much so that it caused issues in all areas of my life. I was annoyed and angry with everyone! Everyone was out to get me and I couldn’t stand being around people for too long. Soon, I started to feel like that about myself. I didn’t know what was going on. All I knew was I was tired, annoyed and didn’t want to deal with anyone or anything. You’re probably reading this and are thinking, “sounds like you were the one going crazy”, well yes, I definitely did feel like that.

Following a healers path this past year is, honestly in my humble opinion, the only reason I was able to grow and heal — or better yet— start the healing process with my emotions. I went on a healing retreat this past weekend, one I go to twice a year. It’s a three day retreat, where during the first day all the facilitators, myself included, provide different healing modalities for our own personal healing. We meditate, we provide energy healing, sound therapy, sound journeys, body work etc. and then the second day we facilitate the same experience for people looking to get some healing done. This past weekend was one of the most profound experiences I have had while following this path. I made realizations about myself that I have been hiding from not just people but myself as well. I realized where and why my issues with emotions come from.

I realized that the reason why I am so closed to emotions is because I wasn’t raised to show emotions. I wasn’t shown much comfort as a child, I wasn’t hugged much as a child. So, as a child, starting to feel emotions, I learned to process them on my own- logically. Either shut them down or put emotional people down, because that’s what was done to me. I realized that being in your emotions is not a sign of weakness. I realized that being logical all the time is what was stopping me from being able to fully step into my own self-love. I realized that I need to be more compassionate. I realized I need to be opened to giving comfort to people because I absolutely LOVE being comforted now.

I still have a long way to go to be fully comfortable with emotions, and figuring out how to live in balance with my logical side; because that side is still a part of me. As for now though, I will continue to remember to be compassionate and comforting.

Day one of my retreat at Ronora Lodge & Retreat Center

BLAST FROM THE PAST: THE ENTREPRENEUR SPOUSE: 10 THINGS TO KNOW & EXPECT

I first wrote this post because I kept trying to find information on how the spouse of someone who is beginning or starting their own business feels. But I was only able to find information on what happens, what feelings come up and the obstacles that come up from the entrepreneur point of view. So I decided to write my own experiences and see if they would be helpful to someone else out there. Here is what I wrote:

I’ve read many articles on how being an entrepreneur is an extremely difficult and stressful thing to be.  While I do not disagree with this, I actually agree with it 100%, I feel as though not much is said about the family and/or spouses/partners of said entrepreneur. As some of you might know, Kat is an entrepreneur. She started her own business, and everyday I see the joy that it brings to her. I won’t go into much of her story, as it’s her story and not mine, but a couples years ago she decided to pursue her passion and make it into her career. She provides many services for families or individuals dealing with end of life transitions, or in other words she is a Death Doula.

While it is an extremely stressful journey for the entrepreneur, I believe that family and/or spouses/partners go through the same journey with them. Here are some things I’ve learned from my journey as a partner to an entrepreneur:

1. Budget Budget Budget! This is so very important. No matter how much savings are put away, believe me when I say that it will not last. There are so many expenses when starting a business you don’t think you need, but boy do you! I’ve learned that having a budget to see how much is spent where makes it much easier to cut things you don’t need. This also allows you not to go crazy with fear about spending & it also clears any suspicions that you have that your partner might be spending way too much on candy and chocolate.

2. Leftovers & Hidden Gems. If you aren’t used to eating leftovers you will be for the first few years that your partner is working on their business. Kat and I have mastered the leftovers, her more than me at times. This will also improve your cooking skills, as you’ll be using them often during this time. We have also gotten really good as finding really good restaurants that are cheap yet serve great food. Whenever we don’t have the energy or time to prep & cook we have many options for a nice inexpensive night out. We’ve definitely mastered $5 meals.

3. Take alone time when you need it. This is very important! Sometimes you find yourself needing time away from the world, take it. Kat & I have big families and that means always being on the run. At times we forget that alone time is needed, so we’ll go for a walk or just lounge and watch some Netflix. This is not only important for your relationship but also your sanity.

4. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed, even if you aren’t the one starting the business. This one took me a while to wrap my head around. How was it that I could feel so overwhelmed by a business that wasn’t even mine? Well it happens at times. It’s okay. Your partner might be having one of those weeks were they might get stuck in there head trying to figure out whether business cards are more important than a website. Guess what, neither are more or less important, both are needed yes, but a business, especially one like Kat’s, is best done by actively doing the services. A business will never be “perfect”, there will always be room to improve. You will have many discussions about this, and you might feel like you are talking to a crazy person and that’s okay. Chances are you both are now crazy together.

5. Talk to the your spouse/partner about your fears. This one is so simple and can save so much time, but just don’t realize it. I’ve learned that by actually letting Kat know what fears show up (instead of assuming she can read my mind) at times during this journey helps her understand what I am going through as well. It also helps us both realize that most times we have the same fears. Is it supposed to be this hard? How is our money situation? Do we have time for anything this week? Have we fed the cats? It definitely brings you closer knowing that you are not alone in this journey, despite what some articles might say.

6. Mood swings happen. Remember that crazy person you were talking to? Well you have now become that crazy person. Yea mood swings happen, and you will get them too. Sometimes things don’t go the way you want, maybe you wanted to take a mini vacation and that won’t be possible this year or you wanted some shoes or a new tablet or whatever, but you can’t because business expenses and life expenses don’t allow for it. What happens, we go back to our childhood when we were told no to a candy we wanted and throw a tantrum. I’ve done it. Just because your aren’t the entrepreneur doesn’t mean you don’t give up things in the journey, you do. You both do. Finding alternatives, like taking a Spa Day instead of a vacation, helps with getting through the mood swings. And a spa day is always fun!

7. Patience. This my friends is a virtue. Along with mood swings coming and going as they please at times, I have learned to have patience not just with Kat but with myself. Starting a business is a LONG journey. There are many roads to take, many obstacles, and many fake shortcuts. Along with that, a business evolves all the time. There will be times were you just lose faith and might even contemplate moving everyone; you, the cats, the fish, the hermit crabs all back home, but patience is a very important part of the journey. I’ve heard and read many sayings where right when you want to give up and lose hope is when you are at the turning point towards a great break through. I’ve experienced this many times with Kat, and patience has been what gets us through it.

8. A social life is a lost term on you. Not that I had much of it before, but after such busy weekdays a social life becomes much more work that you just don’t want to deal with. Not only is it because I live far from all my family or friends, but the energy that is needed to get ready and go out is something I don’t have. After long weeks all I want to do is go over our budgets, figure out what we are going to be cooking or eating and cuddling with the cats while watching some Netflix. Don’t get me wrong, hanging out with friends or family is still done, just in a more relaxing way.

9. It’s okay to say no. Now this one might not seem as hard, but it can be. Many times, while starting a business, you will see many distractions that come to your partner. Why this happens I’m not sure. As the partner, sometimes it becomes your job to point out the distractions and say no. That may be to a side job, a vacation, an outing with family, or a simple night out. Kat is always trying to make me happy, and sometimes to her that means putting her business aside for a splurge. No matter how much you might want a vacation or some new shoes or make-up don’t ever let yourself become their distraction. Say no, because in the long run it will make all the difference!

10. Before you know it, you’re the administrative personnel for the business. One day Kat & I were talking about her business, what she eventually wants it to be and how she’s going to get there. With my love for organizing and spreadsheets and emails I realized that I would love working with Kat on her business. While it might be a while until I fully leave my job to commit fully to her business, the idea of us working together has a really nice ring to it. As a partner, you realize that you know everything about the business, how it started, the struggles and the achievements. Suddenly it’s also become your baby. You want to see it succeed and you will do anything to make sure it does. For me, it was in the form of taking on the administrative duties, that doesn’t necessarily need to happen for everyone. You’ll soon find out how you fit into your partner’s business, it could just be as their number one supporter, and how much you contribute to it in your own way.

What I’ve learned from all this is that, even as partner, you walk right along side the entrepreneur on their journey to begin a business. You are not alone, and most importantly, your partner isn’t alone either.